our cab driver is having phone sex.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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