her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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