Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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