so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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