worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
why do cheetos always look like penises
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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