I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my sisters under your porch take her home
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
