My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
