My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
