it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
