My nipple is on Facebook.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
