who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
