3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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