I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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