I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
