i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
