hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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