It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
