dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
4 words: hood of his car
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
