Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
