We're facebook friends in real life
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
