I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize