I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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