come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
