State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
