He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
