just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
