"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
