I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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