i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
