ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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