So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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