Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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