i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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