Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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