Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
