EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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