hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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