Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
