Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
