between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
ugly people sure do ruin things
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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