you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
