please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
