Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
