Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
