____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
