it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
