This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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