i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We left the knife in your bed.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
