so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
