what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
