I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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