escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
