i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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