i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
