found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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