It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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