i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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