Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
