why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
